enough

i'm just being myself. i don't need the whole world to agree with me. you have every right to disagree. i can't be bothered to convince you, cos it's really beyond my control, it's up to you. i'm sick of compromising. i don't have to live up to anyone's expectations. i just wanna be in control of my own life. there is no definite answer in life, everyone handles things differently. that's what makes each of us unique and distinctive. so don't impose your ideas on me. your ideas might be applicable in your context, but not mine. i'm not a kid, i can think and decide on my own. at least i'm being truthful to myself. i trust my instincts and follow my heart. i do what i want and i don't want to care about what others may think. i may seem weak, but at least i know when i fall, i am able to stand up by myself and don't need a rebound. yes, i admit i'm afraid. i'm afraid to put my trust in people which might give them the power to inflict pain on me. i don't wanna look dumb in front of so many jerks out there. one is more than enough. i've been trying very hard to recover. but circumstances didn't allow me to. so the only thing i could do, is to choose what i want to see and perceive things the way i want to. so don't tell me what to do, cos i don't think i will listen to you anyway. let me experience it first and i'll draw my own conclusion.

物是人非

it was a terrible feeling. i had the urge to leave melbourne right away.
why do i always see him? and even if i don't see him, there are things that will remind me of him. why does this feeling keeps coming back to haunt me?

i moved house not long ago. i was kinda glad at first. cos i thought that it would be better that i live far away from the city..so that i can keep a distance from him.
but guess what? the buses that i take to uni every morning will pass by his school. everyday when i see collingwood college, i will think of him. sometimes i feel that life's making a fool out of me.

and just now.. i was walking along bourke st. as i walked, i was looking at a bunch of gals standing at the tram track taking pics. and one of them caught my eye. she looked so familiar and i thought to myself 'this gal looks like his gf'. n when i turned my head further, i saw him looking at my direction. i turned around immediately and walked off. i was wondering if he saw me.. cos he was standing at the opposite side of the street, quite far away from me.

when i got home, i went online and saw that he changed his status to 物是人非. i didnt understand it at first, so i googled.. and i saw this definition of 物是人非: 随着时间的推移，情况发生变化。东西还是原来的东西，可是人已不是原来的人了。所有的事物景物都没有变，只是人却不在了。看这眼前的情景（冷清），对比过去（美好），让人产生一种睹物思人，触景伤情的忧伤。 (as time passes, there are changes. everything stays the same; but the person is not the same anymore)

so... i guess.... he saw me.

for once, i think i'm cool. at least now i know im not always the one who gets affected. i don't feel that bad about myself anymore. 现在就轮到我转身离开了