sucks

been ages since i last updated my blog.
things are getting difficult.
long distance r/s isnt easy to maintain.
sometimes i really wonder how people do it..

honestly, i dunno how much he loves me..
n i dunno if he truly loves me for who i am.
or perhaps he just wanna transform me into someone he likes..
if thats the case, whats the point of going out with me?

im tired.. just as much as hes tired of my behaviour..
he always think im the one at the fault.. but he never tries to understand from my point of view..
he wants me to explain to him .. but whats there to explain when he always thinks hes right.. n draw his own conclusion about me.. i just think its very unfair..

he wants me to work hard for him..
but what has he done for me?
has he ever work really hard for me?
why is it always me doing the hardwork.. n what do i get in return? .. a bunch of criticisms that i hate listening.....yucks...

life sucks
sucks

n sometimes i think he sucks too

....

29/8/2011

不管我做什么 你都觉得不够好
为什么你总是要改变我 我就那么烂吗
如果那么烂 当初就不要选我
我可没有 逼你和我在一起
你知道你这样会让我觉得很辛苦吗
有时你逼得我很想放弃
你说你爱我 又说有一天可能会对我感到厌倦
这到底算是哪门子的爱
爱情难道不是愿意无条件地接受对方的全部吗
如果你做不到 那就还给我自由吧
说实在的 我开始觉得累了
可能有一天我会懒得听你的
所以不要把我绑得太紧 那样会让我想要更早离开你

day 21

oppa n i have been together for only 21 days.. but we had about 6 arguments already.
i really dont like it when we argue.. its so annoying :S
but hes really nice n sweet to me.. taught me how to take care of my skin, gave me uv protection, oil removal sheets, bought me day cream n stuff.. cooked super yummy korean food for me.. hes really a great cook ;)
i hope everyday we r happy together n dont fight so often.. cos sometimes the arguments make me wanna give up everything...
may god bless us.. i hope we can live happily ever after

oppa

22 July - our <3 started. had dinner at lygon st. u said "i have something for u" n i was like "where is it? give me.." hahahaha. sorry for being so straightforward lol. after dinner, u drove me to st kilda, chilled for abit, then we went to ur place to watch movie.

23 July - stayed over at your place. you made breakfast for me :) so sweet awww. n we went to box hill to buy ingredients for hotpot.. n i forgot to buy the soup basee LOL. had hotpot with mimi n sam at my place..u made delicious korean rice cake n kimchi~~!!! u said the hotpot was so good.. n i agreed. we played texas poker after that.. 4 of us finished 5 bottles of soju.. we r so good lol.

24 July - had a fight in the morning, u came to meet me after school.

25 July - you finished school early, told me u wanna come to my place.. n i was like ''why..'' n u changed ur mind, told me u r going home instead.. but after awhile, u appeared at my doorstep :) <3 y r u always so nice to me ~~ we watched hachi at my place, then went to ur neighbourhood to chill for abit. after that, i went to joey's place.. n we sorta had a fight that night.. =.=

27 July - had hotpot with ur housemates, mari n max :) u made kiwi soju~~~ hahaha u sent me home by bus ~ n slept over at mine ~~

27 July

我们才在一起5天 就已经吵了两次
我就知道会这样 我的自由就这样离我远去
我不喜欢被控制的感觉
我不喜欢你告诉我 我什么可以做 什么不可以做
感觉你好像要我为你改变似的
我不喜欢你那么说我的朋友 而且我不会为了你失去任何朋友
要是你在一直这样逼我的话 我怕我会受不了
你不要管我管得太严 难道你不知道 你越是在乎 你会越快失去 不要逼我做出那种决定
要是你真的喜欢我 就给我一点空间吧

16 july (sat)- met up with faye for lunch @ big mama, told her how nervous i was about the date later in the afternoon. went to faye's new place in the city.. chilled for abit.. n went to meet terry at 3pm in melb central. walked around in the city.. he brought me to brunetti near flinders... ordered ice coffee, he ordered latte.. after that we walked for abit @ the bridges near crown.. had dinner at this posh korean restaurant.. called "gong" pretty gd food.. korean bbq, kimchi soup, dumplings n stuff.. went to chaplin after that, sang for an hour.. n drank ko jim gam lei. n guess what, we bumped into jonson, bernard, derrick n jenny.. n they were kinda surprised to see me n terry together lol. was so tipsy after drinking. n kept calling him ''oppa oppa.. lol.'' n i told him not to do anything to me lol. went to his place to pick up his car n he drove me home from there. held my hand while driving.. it was a pretty gd feeling.. but..... i only liked him a tiny bit that day

17 july (sun)- he came to pick me up from my place, went to the beach near his place at mentone. the scenery was beautiful, with ships at the jetty .. it was a windy day.. went to a cafe nearby for hot chocolate.. n it was back to the same topic abt his feelings for me.. n i felt the pressure.. wasnt feeling too good that night.. though i know he has tried his best.. he sent me to the station, cos i was going to the city to celebrate michael's bday with the rest. he waited with me at the station.. he hugged me.. but my heart didnt skip a beat.. n i wasnt enjoying the moment cos i kept checking the time

18 july (mon)- he came to box hill to have dinner with me... went to sut n wine.. i felt better on this day.. we talked things out n everything seemed great ;) started to have feelings for him~

别对我有太大的期望

最近比较烦 我不清楚我要什么 可是你一直在催我做决定
我认识你不久 你要我怎么一口答应
其实我不知道 我是真的喜欢你 还是空虚而已
我希望你不要太认真 你会把我吓坏的
如果你没对我那么好 可能我会更加喜欢你
男人犯贱 女人也一样犯贱 大家都喜欢比较难得到的东西
你现在对我那么好 要是我拒绝你 感觉我好坏哦
可是我有一点想要尝试 但是我不能保证我可以跟你在一起很久
我承认我有想要玩的心态 可能我很自私 但是我更怕自己受伤害
我不想像以前那样 那么白痴 我不想再输了
别对我有太大的期望 不然失望会更大的

the month of july

1st july - went to watch transformers with joey n her friends. the movie is pretty awesome ;) after that, we went to sing karaoke~~ till 4am.. n we sent joey's korean friend-terry- straight to the airport cos he was going back to korea for hols.

2nd july - celebrated estelle's birthday at the regency (near southern cross station) the food was delicious.. after that we went to chaplin to drink. n most of them got really drunk.. for once, i wasn't lol. after that, we went to estelle's bf-zack's place to chill. i was super hyper,v jumpy n lunatic lol.

3rd july - zack's housemate-jacob- added me on fb n gave me his no. n we chatted on the phone for 1 hr+. i thought he was weird -.=

4th july - terry sent me a pretty sweet private msg on fb - “Hey Jonna :) how r u doing? Is Melbourne alright? No problems without me? :( lol. I just wanna tell u this... Um... I don't no why I am missing u ... Sorry I know it is so sudden but I just don't wanna hide my feeling! ;( Take care n I hope to see u soon... ”

5th july - i organised a karaoke session - 6 ppl turned up.. we sang so much, n i got tired n hungry. jacob sat there for 5 hrs without singing -.= after that we went to rosegarden for dinner n monga for dessert cos joey kept saying she was hungry LOL. she had a huge appetite that night ;) jacob had to leave early, i wondered y he walked towards me when the exit was on the other side.. n joey told me that jacob wanted to give me a hug, but all i did was waved back n said 'bye bye'

i got home that night, went to mimi's room to chat with her. jacob was pestering me on fb.. i told him ''ttyl, talking to my housemate'' n he was like ''talk to me, im more impt'' -.= but i ignored him n continued talking to mimi. after finished talking to her, i went on fb again.. n he started telling me abt his sad childhood n stuff.. n saying that gals r all stupid, cos they fall for bad guys. he told me not to believe in what guys say.. words r just words -.= it sorta ruined my excitement .. cos i was hoping that the korean n me would somehow work out.. but......it affected me so much that i couldnt sleep. i told jacob that he shld go to sleep.. but he still texted me after he went offline..

jacob: o yeh n fuck u too. na jk. thanks for listening to my rant

me: but am never gonna fuck u =X lol no worries man. hope u feel better

jacob: well ur cat needs stroking i can stroke it for u

me: =.=! stop it

jacob: lol just saying. i would love to fuck u

me: u shld sleep now. am tired too. good night

jacob: lol u r too shy. u mention abt it. when i ask u straight u blush

me: aiya whatever man. am tireddd ahhhh

jacob: i can tell u want sex

me: depending on who tho. can u just sleep... ahhh.. getting annoying

jacob: u can sleep. just dont reply. i just wanna know y u hold sex so dearly

me: i will regret if i do it with someone i dont like

jacob: fair enough. then like me :P

jacob: or do u want me to go through all the lovey dovey bullshit

me: u r forcing me to be straightforward eh... hmmm.. all i can say is.. i will never ever fuck u....

.....

8 july - went to Sugar hair salon to colour my hair n cut my fringe.. now its dark red :) love it to bits. tommy, sam n hanearl came over to my house to chill.. showed tommy what the msg terry sent me .. n he was like ''he just wanna fuck u'' ......
................... sigh......... now i dunno what to do................ im getting affected by what others r telling me. should i just follow my heart n stop thinking so much????? arghhhh

follow my heart or follow my mind?

有时真的很希望我没有把任何事情看得那么清楚
受伤之后就很怕再一次受伤
我不知道该怎么办好 follow my heart or follow my mind?
做什么事都要得到别人的认可吗？
难道我就不能给自己一次机会 什么都不想 让自己陶醉在其中
人家说过程比结果重要 但我还没开始 就已经失去了过程

不知道

不知道要怎么找回那种感觉
是要求太高 还是太害怕了
我也不知道 不知道 不知道~~~~~

想家

突然好想家 在这里一个人 很多时候都感觉好无助、好寂寞
虽然有朋友 可是他们毕竟不是我的亲人 也不能对他们要求太多
家人会无微不至地照顾我 并且不会要求任何回报
即使吵架、斗嘴 闹得怎么不开心 到最后还是会和好
在这里 什么都要靠自己 有时真的觉得即使我在这里死掉了 也不会有人发觉到
朋友有好多 可是知心的朋友就没几个
人都是自私的 有时你觉得你对他们好 他们好像也没把它当一回事
然后之后 你就会觉得做好自己的本分就行了 不用多管闲事 反正你有困难的时候 可能他们也不会出现
就有一种 ‘好事一起分享 坏事你自己承担吧’的感觉

这世界很大 我却那么渺小

虽然周围有好多人 但内心却装了满满的空虚

回到家以后 更觉得这世界上 好像只有我一个人

很多时候 真的觉得好无助 好寂寞

可是当人家想帮助我的时候 我却总是拒人于千里之外

也许我觉得接受别人的帮助会把自己变得更可怜 更可笑 更脆弱

我不喜欢依赖人 我想靠自己 让自己学会坚强一点


这世界很大 我却那么渺小

别人看不到我 我却只看得到他们

认识了好多新的朋友 偶尔在他们身上 我会看到其他朋友的影子

人生就是那么残酷 该来的来 该走的也走了

我总是跟在人家的背后 看着他们的背影远远离去

是我走得太慢 还是你们消失得太快 怎么我总是跟不上你们的脚步

hahahahah

omg omg omg

2 days in a row... i did stuff i've never done b4, i went to places i've never been to. so exciting, yet embarrassing at the same time

i'm kinda reluctant to share everything here.. hahahahah maybe i'll tell u guys if i see u

but anyway a bunch of white ppl saved me from the toilet at southern cross station. i was puking n lying on the floor.. n they sent me home on a cab.. opened the door for me, n put me into bed.. n even put the rubbish bin beside my bed so that i can puke. they r so nice!!! they missed the last train cos of me too..

i realised i sprained my ankle when i woke up in the morning.. heard that i fell twice yesterday night! i didnt even rmb how i fell hahaha. n its swollen now.. lucky no broken bones.. but i have to walk on crutches for 2 weeks. kinda sucks lol

well it has been a hilarious weekend... felt as though i acted in the movie 'harold n kumar' HAHAHAHAHAAA crazinessss!

live now

finally.....i know how to cook! ;)yay!

been spending too much time alone... maybe thats y im going nuts..
but i dunno y i have to be around ppl all the time

...........................................

i wanna do something different... n be different :D

life's gonna get better

live now n be happy :)

。。。

当我醉得什么都看不清楚的时候。。。 在我记忆里的你 我看得最清楚

距离

一旦靠得太近 就会慢慢疏远
保持一个距离 也许会好一点
已经失去太多 不想再失去了
好害怕被遗弃 好害怕被忘记

crazy week!

i didnt update my blog for ages.

haha. been having lotsa fun. trying to make full use of my last week of hols.

had a pretty crazy week.
last friday - went clubbing @ neverland with joey n friends

tues - went shopping with joey, violet, michael n keith. then went drinking with keith n his friends at a friend's house. joey came later. n everyone got so drunk. n my dress got torn.. n there was this slit at the back.. so i asked them if they have needle n thread cos i wanted to sew it. imagine, everyone was like so damn drunk, n they were trying so hard to help me put that thread into the needle hahahahah. pretty funny eh. they went like "let me do it, am sure i can do this" LOL.

thurs- went to sing k with joey, faye, benson, michael, natalie n her bf, stephanie n vanessa. quite fun. sang from 3pm-8pm hahahah

am so sleepy now. gonna zzz. neverland again tmr~!

faye 写的太好，太经典了~所以想分享一下

quoted from faye's blog on renren

这是写给你看的。 把我所不能表达的，用我的文字说给你听。


首先，听一首韩文歌吧，叫Time To Love (TTL) by T-ara and Supernova。

下载中文的歌词，看看。那是我一整晚，反复地听着的一首歌。



我和爸妈坦白了，在他们面前，我几乎是个透明人。他们没有生气，没有过于惊讶，而且欣慰于我能够坦诚的对待这些事。

毕竟，我们真的没做什么。

可是有一点，我始终没有和他们说起，他们也不会理解。



我一直在想，感情这件事。

我没有怨过你更没有恨过你。承认在分开的时候，我曾经很痛，你一定没有体会到那种痛的感觉。

当时，在分开的时候，我爱的比你深。我没有断干净。一直拖着，一直拖着，每个下一个遇到的人，一旦让我伤心，我会想起你。

蠢吗？在我看来，当时的我们，并不懂得爱，如何去爱。

什么都不懂的我，却一直记着，我是很爱你的，一直只能爱你一个。



气氛不对，所以我没说出口的那句话：

“我记忆力真的不好。感谢你记得曾经的小细节小点滴。

我可能什么都不记得了，但是我永远不会忘记我爱你，你却应该忘记。”



爱又如何，不爱又如何。我错过你了，你不爱我了，只是我记得曾经爱你的时光和曾经爱你的心情。

年幼的感情，除了满口的情情爱爱，我们剩不下什么，以至于我要回忆的时候，都开始怀疑我们那是不是爱情。



你是怎么想的呢？我不知道。

可是我想，我认为，至少现在认为，那是的。对于我来说，那真的是。

开玩笑才叫你反面教材的。 父母不理解我的感情，至少我希望，现在懂得爱了的你能够理解。

不论过去如何不解如何不甘，现在我都很明白，你爱或者不爱，于我爱不爱不成因果关系。



今天站在车站，109来了。我听着电话里你的声音，没有上车。

不对了，不见了。

证明过去的一切都没了，被妈妈扔掉了，被我自己赌气摔掉了烧掉了，

现在，我存起了一样让我回忆起你的东西。

坐车的钱，我没花掉。也许那将是我从你手上得到的最后一样东西。





我的脚，彻底没办法走了。只是为了争取我们早就错过的时间，

我对你的感情，就像是这样的走路，走到好痛好痛都要坏掉了，还不舍得转身离开。

面对你的时候，我活在我的回忆里。见不到你的时候，我偶尔会梦游到我的回忆里。

现在，你永远都会被锁在我的回忆里了，这个回忆，我却只有可能用来回忆，却不可能用来呼吸。



我说过，面对你，我没有面子可言。

现在面对情感的我总是提醒自己要理性，所以很多事情庸人自扰，很多事情会被我自己从可能变成绝望。我怕受伤，经不起第二次自以为的相爱，却要看对方先离开。

现在，我好了吗？

我不知道。

听说太过谨慎不敢爱的人，不能得到真爱。



我一个人逛街，一个人生活，一个人奋斗，很久了。我早就学会独立，学会坚强，学会忍耐，学会不轻易动心。

有一天我也会学会爱的，这一次，我会爱一个爱我的人，然后如果可以，

我真的希望和他走一生。

不用下辈子，下辈子我已有想遇见的人。

但是今生，只爱他一个。

一定能比爱你更爱。



如果可以，我一定不会诅咒，而会许你这一世的幸福。

如果真的有下辈子，可不可以在对的时间，对的地点再给我们一次机会。

如果我再一次见到你，我希望你看到的是和你一样幸福的我。



你也许都是看不到这一切的，更多的，也许是写给我的心看的。

它好久没痛了，今天突然间又有点不舒服。



多想把所有的我想说的话都一次性说给你听。可惜你真的听不到了，听不懂了，不能听了。

所以什么都不要记得，我说的有的没有的，都不要记得。



所有的，和我相关的人们都听过你的名字，

他们听到的都是我们分开了，

我却很少告诉他们，我好久好久都看不开。

补了，以前没有做到的，你补回来了，我看到你快乐了，也是时候要看开了。



为什么会尴尬，是你所不理解的。

还在乎，就会尴尬。

我的感情可以把自己感动到流泪，却永远无法感动你。



幸福啊。 你一定一定一定一定一定要幸福。



若是等不到我的婚礼，也许这会是我们最后一次相见。

或者，当我看开了，我才会再次遇见你。



多少年了，我一直在努力。

2010 back in sg!

asam fish cooked by mummy.. yummy!!!



2 dec- bah kut teh @ clarke quay

@one of the pubs in clarke quay




4 dec - soup spoon @ion with kelly. kelly gave me a treat! awesomeness~


tcc with kelly ;)

5 dec- go karting with sean n violet. then met up with yaohuang for dinner at amk. crab bee hoon is super nice!!







7 dec - shopping with niao @ bugis village. then we decided to chill @coffee bean in iluma without buying any drink =X lol



8 dec - @phuture with all this people ;)










7 dec - met up with sophia @ion. she gave me a treat!! ramen~ yummy! thanks sophia~!! :)





10 dec- yoshinoya with tian @marina square







then went to donut factory @suntec. NO PHOTOGRAPHY PLS! oops=X
10 dec - dinner with poly friends @chomp chomp. the best place ever for good food! love hokkien mee, sambal stingray, bbq chicken, fried oyster etc.






then we went to sing k @cuppage. cheap family karaoke place! woohoo~








HAHAHA!and.... jx is.... the geisha~~~ sexy *wink wink

一瞬间的回忆

原来时间真的会冲淡一切
快乐与悲伤只是在一瞬间
过了就过了 之后一切就只剩下回忆
没有一个人 会开心一辈子
没有一个人 会伤心一辈子
要怎么看待生活 要怎么面对人生
是我们自己的选择
想笑就开心地笑 想哭就大声地哭
不需要在意别人的眼光
也许他们不会在你的人生中出现多久
只有一小部分的人会跟随着你一辈子
而大部分的人就只是过客