Gab&Xuan

I know this blog's getting pretty boring.. due to the lack of updates.

But all I can say is that, my life right now is filled with splashes of whites, blacks n greys, nothing very colourful at the moment. That was why I didnt blog.

But now I'll blog.. cos suddenly feel like it. Haha.

Anyway, stayed home all day just now, with my nephews running n playing around me.. n I had to entertain them -.- hahaha.

Ok la.. They're quite cute la.. But sometimes abit 'fan', esp when they're talking too much n I wanna be alone. Lol. Should've asked them to disturb my mum, then she'll be very occupied and wont have time think so much. Hahah.

I feel like eating mogu mogu's salmon teriyaki. If I feel like visiting my sis tomorrow, n if on the way there, I might drop by far east. Haha. Btw, yesterday I dreamt of loads of sashimi n salmon sushi. lol. Crappy dream again, I know.

p.s. I like the cool n cold self when I'm at home, cos I know I'm in control n not doing anything against my will. I hate the uncool n compromising self when I'm outside, cos I know I'm definitely not in control and even if I don't like it, I'll just give in. N if I don't, I'll feel guilty for letting others down n will be conscious about how others look at me. Argh. I hate geminis, whats with my double personalities? Can't I be cool n even cooler all the time? But when I think of it now, it won't work.. cos I don't think I'll ever make any friends given that cool but super 'gu pi' attitude when I'm at home. However, right now, I just want to live for myself n not anyone else, or at least for once. I don't wanna try to be nice already, it's too much of a chore for me, cos it doesn't come naturally from within. So does that mean that I've been acting for the past 20 yrs? Hmm.. maybe yes, maybe no? I dunno? But all I know is that thru those past years of pleasing others, I've lost my dignity, my pride n all that I've struggled to uphold. Maybe I've exaggerated, but.. that's exactly how I feel. I'm not always right, but I know I like to believe in my own thoughts n feelings. Now, to me, perhaps the priority is not about being right or wrong, nice or bad anymore, it's about being real, who I truly am n be happy about it. Since nobody's perfect in the world, why do I care so much about what others think? I should stop being what others want me to be or live by anyone's expectations anymore.