follow my heart or follow my mind?

有时真的很希望我没有把任何事情看得那么清楚
受伤之后就很怕再一次受伤
我不知道该怎么办好 follow my heart or follow my mind?
做什么事都要得到别人的认可吗？
难道我就不能给自己一次机会 什么都不想 让自己陶醉在其中
人家说过程比结果重要 但我还没开始 就已经失去了过程

不知道

不知道要怎么找回那种感觉
是要求太高 还是太害怕了
我也不知道 不知道 不知道~~~~~

想家

突然好想家 在这里一个人 很多时候都感觉好无助、好寂寞
虽然有朋友 可是他们毕竟不是我的亲人 也不能对他们要求太多
家人会无微不至地照顾我 并且不会要求任何回报
即使吵架、斗嘴 闹得怎么不开心 到最后还是会和好
在这里 什么都要靠自己 有时真的觉得即使我在这里死掉了 也不会有人发觉到
朋友有好多 可是知心的朋友就没几个
人都是自私的 有时你觉得你对他们好 他们好像也没把它当一回事
然后之后 你就会觉得做好自己的本分就行了 不用多管闲事 反正你有困难的时候 可能他们也不会出现
就有一种 ‘好事一起分享 坏事你自己承担吧’的感觉

这世界很大 我却那么渺小

虽然周围有好多人 但内心却装了满满的空虚

回到家以后 更觉得这世界上 好像只有我一个人

很多时候 真的觉得好无助 好寂寞

可是当人家想帮助我的时候 我却总是拒人于千里之外

也许我觉得接受别人的帮助会把自己变得更可怜 更可笑 更脆弱

我不喜欢依赖人 我想靠自己 让自己学会坚强一点


这世界很大 我却那么渺小

别人看不到我 我却只看得到他们

认识了好多新的朋友 偶尔在他们身上 我会看到其他朋友的影子

人生就是那么残酷 该来的来 该走的也走了

我总是跟在人家的背后 看着他们的背影远远离去

是我走得太慢 还是你们消失得太快 怎么我总是跟不上你们的脚步

hahahahah

omg omg omg

2 days in a row... i did stuff i've never done b4, i went to places i've never been to. so exciting, yet embarrassing at the same time

i'm kinda reluctant to share everything here.. hahahahah maybe i'll tell u guys if i see u

but anyway a bunch of white ppl saved me from the toilet at southern cross station. i was puking n lying on the floor.. n they sent me home on a cab.. opened the door for me, n put me into bed.. n even put the rubbish bin beside my bed so that i can puke. they r so nice!!! they missed the last train cos of me too..

i realised i sprained my ankle when i woke up in the morning.. heard that i fell twice yesterday night! i didnt even rmb how i fell hahaha. n its swollen now.. lucky no broken bones.. but i have to walk on crutches for 2 weeks. kinda sucks lol

well it has been a hilarious weekend... felt as though i acted in the movie 'harold n kumar' HAHAHAHAHAAA crazinessss!

live now

finally.....i know how to cook! ;)yay!

been spending too much time alone... maybe thats y im going nuts..
but i dunno y i have to be around ppl all the time

...........................................

i wanna do something different... n be different :D

life's gonna get better

live now n be happy :)

。。。

当我醉得什么都看不清楚的时候。。。 在我记忆里的你 我看得最清楚

距离

一旦靠得太近 就会慢慢疏远
保持一个距离 也许会好一点
已经失去太多 不想再失去了
好害怕被遗弃 好害怕被忘记

crazy week!

i didnt update my blog for ages.

haha. been having lotsa fun. trying to make full use of my last week of hols.

had a pretty crazy week.
last friday - went clubbing @ neverland with joey n friends

tues - went shopping with joey, violet, michael n keith. then went drinking with keith n his friends at a friend's house. joey came later. n everyone got so drunk. n my dress got torn.. n there was this slit at the back.. so i asked them if they have needle n thread cos i wanted to sew it. imagine, everyone was like so damn drunk, n they were trying so hard to help me put that thread into the needle hahahahah. pretty funny eh. they went like "let me do it, am sure i can do this" LOL.

thurs- went to sing k with joey, faye, benson, michael, natalie n her bf, stephanie n vanessa. quite fun. sang from 3pm-8pm hahahah

am so sleepy now. gonna zzz. neverland again tmr~!

faye 写的太好，太经典了~所以想分享一下

quoted from faye's blog on renren

这是写给你看的。 把我所不能表达的，用我的文字说给你听。


首先，听一首韩文歌吧，叫Time To Love (TTL) by T-ara and Supernova。

下载中文的歌词，看看。那是我一整晚，反复地听着的一首歌。



我和爸妈坦白了，在他们面前，我几乎是个透明人。他们没有生气，没有过于惊讶，而且欣慰于我能够坦诚的对待这些事。

毕竟，我们真的没做什么。

可是有一点，我始终没有和他们说起，他们也不会理解。



我一直在想，感情这件事。

我没有怨过你更没有恨过你。承认在分开的时候，我曾经很痛，你一定没有体会到那种痛的感觉。

当时，在分开的时候，我爱的比你深。我没有断干净。一直拖着，一直拖着，每个下一个遇到的人，一旦让我伤心，我会想起你。

蠢吗？在我看来，当时的我们，并不懂得爱，如何去爱。

什么都不懂的我，却一直记着，我是很爱你的，一直只能爱你一个。



气氛不对，所以我没说出口的那句话：

“我记忆力真的不好。感谢你记得曾经的小细节小点滴。

我可能什么都不记得了，但是我永远不会忘记我爱你，你却应该忘记。”



爱又如何，不爱又如何。我错过你了，你不爱我了，只是我记得曾经爱你的时光和曾经爱你的心情。

年幼的感情，除了满口的情情爱爱，我们剩不下什么，以至于我要回忆的时候，都开始怀疑我们那是不是爱情。



你是怎么想的呢？我不知道。

可是我想，我认为，至少现在认为，那是的。对于我来说，那真的是。

开玩笑才叫你反面教材的。 父母不理解我的感情，至少我希望，现在懂得爱了的你能够理解。

不论过去如何不解如何不甘，现在我都很明白，你爱或者不爱，于我爱不爱不成因果关系。



今天站在车站，109来了。我听着电话里你的声音，没有上车。

不对了，不见了。

证明过去的一切都没了，被妈妈扔掉了，被我自己赌气摔掉了烧掉了，

现在，我存起了一样让我回忆起你的东西。

坐车的钱，我没花掉。也许那将是我从你手上得到的最后一样东西。





我的脚，彻底没办法走了。只是为了争取我们早就错过的时间，

我对你的感情，就像是这样的走路，走到好痛好痛都要坏掉了，还不舍得转身离开。

面对你的时候，我活在我的回忆里。见不到你的时候，我偶尔会梦游到我的回忆里。

现在，你永远都会被锁在我的回忆里了，这个回忆，我却只有可能用来回忆，却不可能用来呼吸。



我说过，面对你，我没有面子可言。

现在面对情感的我总是提醒自己要理性，所以很多事情庸人自扰，很多事情会被我自己从可能变成绝望。我怕受伤，经不起第二次自以为的相爱，却要看对方先离开。

现在，我好了吗？

我不知道。

听说太过谨慎不敢爱的人，不能得到真爱。



我一个人逛街，一个人生活，一个人奋斗，很久了。我早就学会独立，学会坚强，学会忍耐，学会不轻易动心。

有一天我也会学会爱的，这一次，我会爱一个爱我的人，然后如果可以，

我真的希望和他走一生。

不用下辈子，下辈子我已有想遇见的人。

但是今生，只爱他一个。

一定能比爱你更爱。



如果可以，我一定不会诅咒，而会许你这一世的幸福。

如果真的有下辈子，可不可以在对的时间，对的地点再给我们一次机会。

如果我再一次见到你，我希望你看到的是和你一样幸福的我。



你也许都是看不到这一切的，更多的，也许是写给我的心看的。

它好久没痛了，今天突然间又有点不舒服。



多想把所有的我想说的话都一次性说给你听。可惜你真的听不到了，听不懂了，不能听了。

所以什么都不要记得，我说的有的没有的，都不要记得。



所有的，和我相关的人们都听过你的名字，

他们听到的都是我们分开了，

我却很少告诉他们，我好久好久都看不开。

补了，以前没有做到的，你补回来了，我看到你快乐了，也是时候要看开了。



为什么会尴尬，是你所不理解的。

还在乎，就会尴尬。

我的感情可以把自己感动到流泪，却永远无法感动你。



幸福啊。 你一定一定一定一定一定要幸福。



若是等不到我的婚礼，也许这会是我们最后一次相见。

或者，当我看开了，我才会再次遇见你。



多少年了，我一直在努力。

2010 back in sg!

asam fish cooked by mummy.. yummy!!!



2 dec- bah kut teh @ clarke quay

@one of the pubs in clarke quay




4 dec - soup spoon @ion with kelly. kelly gave me a treat! awesomeness~


tcc with kelly ;)

5 dec- go karting with sean n violet. then met up with yaohuang for dinner at amk. crab bee hoon is super nice!!







7 dec - shopping with niao @ bugis village. then we decided to chill @coffee bean in iluma without buying any drink =X lol



8 dec - @phuture with all this people ;)










7 dec - met up with sophia @ion. she gave me a treat!! ramen~ yummy! thanks sophia~!! :)





10 dec- yoshinoya with tian @marina square







then went to donut factory @suntec. NO PHOTOGRAPHY PLS! oops=X
10 dec - dinner with poly friends @chomp chomp. the best place ever for good food! love hokkien mee, sambal stingray, bbq chicken, fried oyster etc.






then we went to sing k @cuppage. cheap family karaoke place! woohoo~








HAHAHA!and.... jx is.... the geisha~~~ sexy *wink wink

一瞬间的回忆

原来时间真的会冲淡一切
快乐与悲伤只是在一瞬间
过了就过了 之后一切就只剩下回忆
没有一个人 会开心一辈子
没有一个人 会伤心一辈子
要怎么看待生活 要怎么面对人生
是我们自己的选择
想笑就开心地笑 想哭就大声地哭
不需要在意别人的眼光
也许他们不会在你的人生中出现多久
只有一小部分的人会跟随着你一辈子
而大部分的人就只是过客

Stats abt me

HAHA! I tried Stats About Me on FB.. n this was what it said... LOL

"Jonna Chen has 402 friends. 116 of them are male, 206 are female, and 80 are confused about their gender.

Based on her Facebook profile, Jonna has a 95% chance of getting married and is likely to have 5 children over her reproductive years.

She will make about $9,569,069 in her life and pay $2,870,721 in taxes.

In Jonna's life, she will have spent 30 years sleeping, and 694 hours on the toilet.

She will probably live to be about 84 years old. 362 people will attend her funeral with 12 of them expecting some kind of inheritance."

1 more month!

i realise i make more enemies than friends here LOL. but seriously, who cares man? people come and go anyway.. they might not even give a shit about me. real friends are those who choose to stay, they are the ones who truly cares. can't wait to go back to hang out with jx, nich, kelly n niao + others. wahahaha! 1 more month~ n i wanna eat so many yummy food.. grow fat n wobbly! LOL! i wanna sing k too!!!lalalala~~

ok i better get outta my bed~ lunchtime! no delicious food, only instant noodles :(

billionaire

I haven't been updating my blog frequently.Am so lazy man.
Life's pretty stagnant. Nothing interesting.
I usually spend my weekend sleeping like a pig.. or just laze around =S
not that i've nothing to do.. just that i have no mood to do anything.
I rather sleep and watch a few movies online .. than do my work!
But I guess it's time for me to start on my proj! not much time left =/
=.= gotta kill my laziness!!!!
am listening to Travey McCoy's Billionaire.. "i wanna be a billionaire so fucking bad tooo~" hahah then i can do whatever i want~ travel around the entire universe n study till i become a professor, set up my own design firm, publish my own design books, live in a big bungalow, drive a lamborghini, watch as many movies/concerts as i want! lol. how marvellous~! HAHAH!~ in my dreams~~!
lol. i'm just bored. =.= ciao~~

自己选择的路，跪着走也要走完

自己选择的路，跪着走也要走完
.by Time2Break

有一些东西错过了，就一辈子错过了。人是会变的，守住一个不变的承诺，却守不住一颗善变的心。

有时候执着是一种负担，放弃是一种解脱，人没有完美，幸福没有一百分，知道自己没有能力一次拥有那么多，也没有权要求那么多，否则苦了自己，也为难了对方。

一颗心属于一个人，爱情里什么是公平？爱的深，伤的深，爱情里没有不公平。爱上不该爱的人，是永无天日的叹息，爱了不爱你的人，是眼泪决堤的开始。

承诺是一张白纸，再厚的剧本也有了结局，我想我知道眼泪的味道，就算付出每一分，每一秒我都不曾想逃。在这个世界上没有恒久的幸福，只有瞬间的惬意和安适。

如果你把我的感情，当成一场游戏，我玩不起，更输不起，花言巧语，谁知道我微笑背后的痛苦，爱由一个微笑开始，一个吻成长，最终由一滴眼泪结束，受了伤，结了疤，最终还是留下痕迹，强迫自己忘了你，但爱过才知道，原来我并不能左右一切，也许无言才是最好的安慰，也许回忆是最好的结局，傻瓜也都一样，都逃不过悲伤，因为有梦在心上，所以甘心流浪。

有些缘分注定要失去，有些缘分注定不会有好结果的，爱一个人不一定要拥有他，但拥有一个人，一定要去好好爱他，不要轻言放弃，否则对不起自己。

不要因为没有阳光，而走不进春天

不要因为没有歌声，而放弃自己的追求

不要因为没有掌声，而丢掉自己的理想

其实每一条都通往阳光的大道，都充满坎坷。

每一条通向理想的途径，都充满了艰辛与汗水！

很多事情的发展注定它有个结束，好好享受美丽的过程，擦身而过的时候，我们应该学会遗忘，放声的笑一回，大胆哭一场，抬头望一望，一片灿烂的阳光，相信时间可以改变一切！不要轻易让自己掉眼泪。 春有春的风情，冬有冬的雅致，人生各有各的美丽，各有各的潇洒，你笑，全世界跟着你笑。你哭，全世界只有你一个人哭。当不能拥有时，唯一能做的就是令自己不要忘记。

updated!

havent been updating my blog -.- am so lazy =X

actually i dunno where to start man. lol. i think i'll just post pics n you guys can see for yourself hahahah.

royal melbourne show!!





clubbing at fabrique!

met up with venesse! she took this pic! nice right? i like~~ ^^ btw, thats not my iphone..





if u have been following my twitter.. u should know that im meeting u-know-who this coming monday. he's gonna gimme a treat n ask me for help too. to be honest, im kinda nervous n scared. cos it has been so long since i met him face-to-face. my mind has been on "see him, run away" mode for very long already.i dunno how to switch it back to normal mode =.=

cocky n disgusting

omg. i met a few cocky singaporeans who think they are so freaking awesome.
there was this guy who explained to us that he didnt speak with a singaporean accent cos he was brought up by a caucasian nanny when he was young. but the funny thing was.. he spoke with a singaporean accent =.= i really didnt understand what he was trying to prove. he looked like a freaking idiot to me when he said that =.=

while i was talking to the other 2 singaporean girls in mandarin, this chinese singaporean girl who graduated from jc commented that "i find it weird when singaporeans speak mandarin" =.= omg. how arrogant. then i replied in a casual tone "actually it doesn't really matter what language we speak as long as we can understand each other"

why are they so freaking cocky & arrogant? omg. can u guys stop trying so hard to act like a caucasian? lets just face it, u guys are really singaporeans. so what if you speak singlish or mandarin? is that something that you are gonna be ashame about for the rest of your life? get a life man. stop trying to show off what you know n what you are good at.. you know what? it doesnt really matter to us.. cos your personality just freaking sucks!

enough

i'm just being myself. i don't need the whole world to agree with me. you have every right to disagree. i can't be bothered to convince you, cos it's really beyond my control, it's up to you. i'm sick of compromising. i don't have to live up to anyone's expectations. i just wanna be in control of my own life. there is no definite answer in life, everyone handles things differently. that's what makes each of us unique and distinctive. so don't impose your ideas on me. your ideas might be applicable in your context, but not mine. i'm not a kid, i can think and decide on my own. at least i'm being truthful to myself. i trust my instincts and follow my heart. i do what i want and i don't want to care about what others may think. i may seem weak, but at least i know when i fall, i am able to stand up by myself and don't need a rebound. yes, i admit i'm afraid. i'm afraid to put my trust in people which might give them the power to inflict pain on me. i don't wanna look dumb in front of so many jerks out there. one is more than enough. i've been trying very hard to recover. but circumstances didn't allow me to. so the only thing i could do, is to choose what i want to see and perceive things the way i want to. so don't tell me what to do, cos i don't think i will listen to you anyway. let me experience it first and i'll draw my own conclusion.

物是人非

it was a terrible feeling. i had the urge to leave melbourne right away.
why do i always see him? and even if i don't see him, there are things that will remind me of him. why does this feeling keeps coming back to haunt me?

i moved house not long ago. i was kinda glad at first. cos i thought that it would be better that i live far away from the city..so that i can keep a distance from him.
but guess what? the buses that i take to uni every morning will pass by his school. everyday when i see collingwood college, i will think of him. sometimes i feel that life's making a fool out of me.

and just now.. i was walking along bourke st. as i walked, i was looking at a bunch of gals standing at the tram track taking pics. and one of them caught my eye. she looked so familiar and i thought to myself 'this gal looks like his gf'. n when i turned my head further, i saw him looking at my direction. i turned around immediately and walked off. i was wondering if he saw me.. cos he was standing at the opposite side of the street, quite far away from me.

when i got home, i went online and saw that he changed his status to 物是人非. i didnt understand it at first, so i googled.. and i saw this definition of 物是人非: 随着时间的推移，情况发生变化。东西还是原来的东西，可是人已不是原来的人了。所有的事物景物都没有变，只是人却不在了。看这眼前的情景（冷清），对比过去（美好），让人产生一种睹物思人，触景伤情的忧伤。 (as time passes, there are changes. everything stays the same; but the person is not the same anymore)

so... i guess.... he saw me.

for once, i think i'm cool. at least now i know im not always the one who gets affected. i don't feel that bad about myself anymore. 现在就轮到我转身离开了